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Journal Entry: Wed Nov 11, 2009, 7:24 PM
Facebook l Myspace l Gallery l dA Portfolio l Watch Me l Note Me

:bulletgreen: get into college...asap.

:bulletpurple: get an A in ap physics. um lol there is already an "a" in that, but yeah.

:bulletgreen: draw, draw, draw...

:bulletpurple: learn every aspect of calculus, with the goal of finding an equation for a sfwloosh.

:bulletgreen: make a plush octopus....no, septipus.

:bulletpurple: make a plush camera....lol...

:bulletgreen: learn the strange and fascinating mysteries of photography...and perhaps get another camera...or two...

:bulletpurple: discover more amazing music via internet

:bulletgreen: buy cds of said music

:bulletpurple: find out what the hell i want to do with my life

:bulletgreen: find out why I have no friends and possibly remedy the situation (or possibly retreat into my imagination)

:bulletpurple: have some fun in my last year of high school...and bring the ol' nikon so i can upload pix of it all to facebook

:bulletgreen: untangle the physics-calculus web and reveal the surprising incestuous connections between the two :) (with the hopes that it will make physics more enjoyable for me somehow)

:bulletpurple: find that perfect guy...or just dream him up. build him, mold him out of the thoughts and dreams and perceptions in my head, and bring him to life somehow...

:bulletgreen: write, write, write. write everything.

:bulletpurple: make metalworking my newest passion

:bulletgreen: master ceramics. do something sculptural that no one's done before.

:bulletpurple: avoid the raptors somehow....unless they agree to eat casey!! [link]

:bulletgreen: make 1000 paper cranes.

:bulletpurple: read some more classic literature. anyone want to recommend anything?

:bulletgreen: update my vocabulary. dictionaries ftw.

:bulletpurple: press some leaves and flowers.

:bulletgreen: write a short story...or two.

:bulletpurple: really figure out differentials/integrals. not just because i want to mathematically define the sfwloosh. but because it's effing awesome!

:bulletgreen: learn more french.

:bulletpurple: *ahem* learn more dirty things in french.

:bulletgreen: buy new nail polish! pretty colors! @_@

:bulletpurple: make a blog or something. and then figure out what to post on said blog. (and then cry because nobody cares about said blog)

:bulletgreen: create a webcomic about my life! or just life in general.

:bulletpurple: get a friggin rubber duck. that creepy one brian richmond gave me is staring me down right now. i want a normal one to offset its weirdness.

:bulletgreen: get a domo plush somewhere. i just need domo right now.

:bulletpurple: get a boyfriend somehow so that my life seems complete somehow. even though i know that won't make my life complete at all. did i already mention this?

:bulletgreen: forget the whole relationship thing. everyone puts on a mask for society and honesty is long dead. when you think you've found someone, you're both faking it, even if you don't think so at the time. but it becomes apparent later. the masks grow and change, the inside stays void...wth am i talking about?

:bulletpurple: go back to thinking I'm perpetually single, and that it's a good thing. because when people are supposedly compatible, they just don't know each other that well. and we don't know ourselves that well, we're all... confused...

:bulletgreen: oh, and try to be a little more optimistic. and a little less bipolar.

:bulletpurple: do something entirely new and unexpected.

:bulletgreen: put money into savings.

:bulletpurple: update my dA more often.

:bulletgreen: get a job maybe?

:bulletpurple: write something really meaningful or awesome on a bathroom stall.

:bulletgreen: try doing new stuff with my hair.

:bulletpurple: you know what? society is really dumb and backward. why are all these poor women getting exploited on the internet, concentually or not? makes all these sick people and their sick ideas perpetuate. the internet makes all this violence get worse. all this smut and violence. it's what society has become as a whole. i wouldn't want to raise a kid in this world. how could any child stay uncorrupted for long? maybe we should just break away from this stupid stuff and start our own new planet. just for us sensible people. we could break down this technology and go back to when things had meaning...

:bulletgreen: somehow become better at public speaking, or speech in general. I am a chronic st-t-tutterer.

:bulletpurple: what do guys like in girls? what about me makes me unattractive to guys? i want to find out.

:bulletgreen: and if/when i find/reason out the answer(s), i'll try not to be really glum when i find out how cynical this world is.

:bulletpurple: write music for piano. i need to get some sonatas on paper. i need to get these symphonies of thought out of my head somehow.

:bulletgreen: take an IQ test. and find out i'm intellectually about average. i bet.

:bulletpurple: get some more nifty neon colored nail polish. i'm digging my barbie pink nails, even though i despise barbie pink!

:bulletgreen: write something really funny and epic on a physics test when i don't know the answer (like that there's an elephant in the way). although i once had a calc test and i didn't do the bonus question right and did a lot of extensive calculations before i realized i was approaching it wrong, so i just put some crazy lim x->0 of a really huge mess =42. Funny, it ended up just being -3/8 or something like that.

:bulletpurple: I'm thinking i need to improve my skills of persuasion and debate. that way i can actually look like i have some sort of legitimacy in an argument when i KNOW i have the right answer. that's the irony there. I'm right but i can't prove it. Dammmmmn.

:bulletgreen: find out what ayn rand was getting at. i'm reading "the fountainhead" because i *cough* "lifted" it from the library. (it hasn't been checked out in years, why should i bother?) I feel like i need to find out whether she's right or not. or what she's even trying to say. (I'm only 60 pages in) if it's something good, I'll read "atlas shrugged" too.

:bulletpurple: I really really need to find some method of reducing my procrastination intake.

:bulletgreen: should i put up wanted signs or something?? it's like i'm off the radar. are they scared of me? why would anyone be scared of me? am i scary? these are important questions.

:bulletpurple: I am SO going to make a spoof of john steinbeck. he's the worst author EVER. Golden friggin cream with chunks of good and evil! Bahahaha! It's Spoof Soup! Bad writing, but not quite! Don't you just love how, instead of describing stuff, he describes what it ISN'T, and then beats around the bush for so long you forget what the hell he was describing in the first place! It's comic, really. He totally spoofs himself, no effort on my part.

:bulletgreen: Why doesn't Mrs. Naron have a decent sense of humour? I come in to the class to take a physics test with a blue spotted dinosaur on my desk. She sees it while she's collecting the tests, and she's just like, "What is that." Like it was some sort of yucky thing and she really wasn't interested at all. I have to imitate her for you to know what I mean. And I tell her like, duh, you know? "It's a dinosaur." Slight humor/excitement in my voice, since I made the thing and it's friggin adorable. Mah little stegosaurus. And then Riley chimes in, "It's the lucky dinosaur of science!" She sort of repeats that, with less enthusiasm than when I talk about economics (okay, alllllmost). She must have no appreciation for good sculpture. And come on. A hell of a lot of physics went into making that dinosaur!! Friggin friction! And gravity, when the one spike fell off in the kiln! It's a typical physics experiment! How short-sighted could the woman be?!

:bulletpurple: so, um, does riley just tell me these things because he's like that, or because he has some reason to want to impress me? (by these things i mean everything he says to me on a daily basis. you know, about how he makes hovercrafts and electromagnets in his spare time...)

:bulletgreen: why can't I decide on a decent identity to take on? I've gotta be everything and everyone at once. maybe that's why I'm so confused. hahaha.

:bulletpurple: i think it would behoove me to try and figure out what :devMerlinxswordfish: was saying in his journal. or any of his journals. he's a smart dude. :D

:bulletgreen: i should set aside a time to laugh about how Andrew Bush is perpetually unrequited in love. (Come on, it's funny. Also, I can totally imagine him as a pimp, I thought of this today.)

:bulletpurple: Hmm. Should apologize to my lunch table for spending Tuesday's period with Aaron Callahan. I'm sorry, guys. Still your loyal lunchmate forever. I just need my Aaron time, I guess. I know he's a perv and he wants me to have his children and all, but I needed the comic relief then.

:bulletgreen: I should read Jane Eyre.

:bulletpurple: Hm, about "the fountainhead," it freaked me out yesterday when a double coincidence occurred. Leica was just talking about people being stabbed with icicles the other day. That may be the most obscure thing on earth, but one of the main characters in the book was doing something and it reminded him of stories where people got stabbed with icicles. I dog-eared the page and was a little weirded out then. And I was watching teen Jeopardy! to my great displeasure last night and lo and behold, the final jeopardy category was architecture. Um, the entire book is about architecture. *blinks* This stuff happens to me all the time, actually. But i'm superstitious enough to take it seriously.

:bulletgreen: Plot Casey #5's death. Amen. 'Nuff said.

:bulletpurple: haha meant to do this for quite some time. searched word reference for swear words. :D

:bulletgreen: i should figure out something really cool to say right now.

:bulletpurple: *insert goal/secret desire here*

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12 Comments
  • Mood: Eager
  • Listening to: you wanna conserve energy?
  • Reading: I'm all for the conservation of momentum.
  • Watching: may the centripetal force be with you.
  • Playing: you can't go in circles at a constant velocity.
  • Eating: not because you'll get tired, because that's true.
  • Drinking: it's just impossible. try it sometime.
Skin by =BloodPromiser

do you ever...

Tue Oct 13, 2009, 4:19 PM
...know something is entirely wrong and awful and do it anyway?

And then wake up the next day wondering what the hell is wrong with you?

Please please please read this. Even though it's long. I just need somebody to tell me something. Anything. I'm losing my mind.

Anybody wanna try to psychoanalyze me? Because I can't really do it myself right now. I'm too emotionally unstable, in a way that makes me wonder if I'm bipolar or something all of a sudden, or if I'm just having a really weird experience. (Maybe it was food poisoning? Haha.)

So I sort of have a boyfriend. Surprise! That's sort of what it was like for me, too. Like, click. He's the sweetest person ever. Ever. He has to tell me I'm wonderful in some new, heartfelt way, every time I talk to him. And I think he means it, really. Because I have sort of known him a while.

Only problem is, he's at community college because he dropped out of school last year, and we've only been talking online and with text. The chatting online thing bothers the hell out of me. Because I've always felt like it was so impersonal, really. That's pretty much in my genetic makeup it's so firmly fixed in my head. I can't stand texting. It's antisocial. I never text, dammit.

So why the hell can't he be cute? Maybe even slightly cute? Nope, he has to be the most unattractive person ever. Which shouldn't bother me if I'm not a discriminatory little bitch, right? Dammit!

So now I'm selfish because I want someone better looking. Just a little bit better looking.

Look, I've never been kissed, never went on a date, never fallen in love, can you make my first one good??

Not that he isn't wonderful. He's so nice it kills me. Kind of like, why do you like me so much? I can't be that likable. Or somebody would have said something by now. Ok, that just makes me feel sad.

Because why the hell not?? Why is it that no guy ever said a damn thing to me?? I just don't get it. I'm really pretty. Really smart. Not very approachable, but I try to be really nice. So fml? How did every other girl get a nice guy? I don't understand how it's done.

I don't understand any of this, dammit.

It was sort of amazing when it all happened, just because it's so new to me. And we had so much in common, even though my gpa is ridiculous, and he's a drop-out, and whatnot. He seemed to really be caring. I mean, he really is. And it was all like it fell into place.

We already had a ton of personal jokes by the end of our first conversation. We sort of read each other's minds at times. And everything I wrote was just perfect and awesome.

So what the hell is MY problem??

Look, I'm too insightful. I'm too deep. I think too much. And he's got none of that. I mean, I can't really discuss all the thoughts about life that pop into my head without him feeling inferior. And he won't get it anyway. Well, he might. Just not in my terms.

When I go through life, it's beautiful. Everything is beautiful. Everything I think about has significance. Every moment I spend interpreting life my own way and trying to make some of it beautiful. Does he appreciate art? I really don't know. But it's my life, and if he doesn't, I'll be entirely crushed.

Does he appreciate music? He tells me he cares about lyrics, only lyrics. But I can't only care about lyrics.

Music is one of those things I'm so passionate about, that I can hardly describe it. Nobody shares my taste in music, ever. It makes me feel so alone, but I'm always looking for more to listen to, more that I like. I'm really picky. It has to be wonderful all around. And for me, the instrumentals are most important. No. Not for me. For music in general to be good, it has to fucking be good. That can't be argued.

You think I don't care about lyrics? I've spent months of my life interpreting the lyrics on albums. I'm a music connoisseur if there ever was one. And I'm as snotty as all hell to people who listen to bullshit. Sorry, that's just me. Take it or leave it. Or listen to good music.

And now that I've figured out my own opinions on everything, it's just really fricking annoying to be near someone with no sense of foundation. Hell, politics is a sad load of shit, but I have an opinion. I have a lot of opinions. They go with all my values and principles. Which tie up into one little ideological package. Which, by the way, is the correct one to have. I can't help but believe I'm right. Right and wrong are solid concepts, people. (He has opinions too, but they aren't all tied together at all, so he just thinks things. Which makes him so much better than me, right?)

So, that just sounded really bitchy, huh? The point here is i really hate it when people disagree with me. Maybe I'm just really insecure.

This whole thing leads me to believe I'm a downright awful person. So I kinda want to let him know, you know?

Or maybe I just get really fricking ticked off and annoyed that he listens to real bullcrap music. So I got mad. This all just ended up being set off like a bomb yesterday. So I acted really awful, and now I don't know what he thinks.

Either way, I don't know what to do about it. I tried sending him one of my long and insane rants, which was longer and more insane than usual because I was freaking out emotionally. So he probably thinks I'm fucking messed up. He sent a note back, and it just sounded really pissed off. But that he really likes me still, and that I'm not going to change that with my bitchiness (as i put it, bitchiness).

He wrote that he never rants. Shit, another difference. He's never going to understand my ranting.

He seemed so pessimistic in that note. He seems so depressed sometimes.

He had this other girlfriend who broke his heart, and half of me thinks that's still on his mind three years later. Mostly because he brings her up all the time. Maybe because he said that he would have done anything for her. Maybe because I think, as false as it is, that he still sort of loves her. Maybe this sentence just hurt: "I think subconsciously I must look for girls to be attracted to that have something seriously wrong with them."

I'm just a bitch, don't mind me. And now I'm freaking humiliated for getting upset. It's not like my reasons amount to anything.

(Nothing amounts to me acting like that.)

I can't help but feel really depressed, terrible, and undeserving right now. Who knows if he understands that. He didn't seem to recognize anything last night when we chatted. I dropped mega hints and they never found their target. And now he's trying to chat with me right now, because he so innocently loves me and all, but I just can't pull myself together. Do I just want to hurt him, or what? Maybe there really is something seriously wrong with me.

I really don't deserve his, or anybody's, affection. All these years alone have taught me that. If not that, then the way I just acted stole the show.

I remember thinking about this earlier, months earlier. How there's nobody for me, and how love isn't really there, anywhere. It's sort of like that. And how I'm happier alone. Because I am. I hadn't resigned myself to solitary confinement when i said it before, which nobody seemed to understand. I'm a loner. And my paradox is, as much as I feel the need to show everybody who I am and make myself clear, nobody will ever listen. The whole world has its ears shut. And even though that's my motive in life, I think I'll just keep doing it, and keep getting disappointed. Sounds pessimistic, but that's what I'm reduced to.

I need some help, guys. Pleeeeeease.

15 Comments
  • Mood: Guilty
  • Listening to: my thoughts running through my head
  • Reading: ...at an ever changing velocity defined by
  • Watching: ...v(t)=(ego^2)/emotional imbalance*ingenuity
  • Playing: ...with a constant accleration of v'(t)
  • Eating: ...which allows me to mentally decapitate casey
  • Drinking: andasmyemotionsapproach infinity, v' approaches 0

..........void.........

Wed Oct 7, 2009, 5:24 PM


2 Comments
  • Mood: Guilty

my head needs shrinking

Wed Sep 16, 2009, 6:04 PM
***This is a dream I had the night of Sept 3. All of it is true. It's seriously freaky.***
..
...
....
I went there.

She was running and I was running too, in the same direction. But I wasn’t following her.

I don’t know who she was.

I ran after her outside down a spiral staircase made of concrete, and it was broken and old and dangerous. I was surprised I didn’t trip or fall. I was so surprised it made me proud of myself, and somehow I thought, I knew it all so well, these steps and this terrain. Like the back of my hand.

I mentioned it to her, that if it wasn’t for that I’d have fallen, but she didn’t reply. Did she even hear?

The crumbling concrete staircase led to a pathway, and I followed her down.

It was a completely straight and completely flat path, with trees on both sides, like a sidewalk. The trees were so numerous and tall that their foliage overhead cast everything into darkness; I fell behind, thinking I would trip and fall if I wasn’t careful. I couldn’t see anything except her faint figure far ahead of me. I was scared because I felt blind. I was no longer running.

I finally reached a point where I could see light at the end of the foliage-covered path, which cast everything into dark silhouettes and made it easier for me to see. And ahead of me, she was stopped at a rope that crossed the path, tied between two trees. She untied it, and began untying another farther down. It had the feel of an obstacle course, and I was realizing that just then, with the broken staircase and the dark, and now ropes too. I thought about how I would’ve run into the ropes and fallen in the dark if she hadn’t had untied them…

And after that second rope the path ended, and the girl stopped and went back, like she was waiting for someone – but not me. I kept going and reached the end of the path, where there was a clearing. It was green and pleasant and there was just one tree in the center. On the tree was a rope, tied like it was there for someone to swing, except it was too short and too high.
I grabbed it anyway and swung, because I still thought this was an obstacle course and I should have been doing that. Not that it made any sense – and I swung farther than physics should have allowed me. When I swung back there was a person on the other side of the tree to my left. I let go and was startled. He was looking at me strangely. Or perhaps it wasn’t so. He wasn’t normal, wasn’t human, I was feeling, but I wasn’t thinking that. I wasn’t really thinking. And he was looking at something on the other side of the tree, to my right.

It was a large branch that seemed to have fallen from the tree. I hadn’t seen it before, or it wasn’t there before, but now I looked at it too. And I was puzzled, because it had extraordinarily large pink fruit, but it certainly wasn’t fruit. I thought they may have been pinecones, but they weren’t, no, they were flower buds…but I didn’t know that then, and I was confused. And yet I did know that I was supposed to grab them. Yes, I had to get them – before he did!

I looked back at him, once, to make sure (I felt sort of disoriented the whole time), and I could tell he wanted those giant flower buds, too. And so I suddenly ran, without thinking, and he ran after me, right to the branch, and I got 5 of them, before he even got there. And once he got there I couldn’t grab any more, so he got the remaining 6.

I remember thinking I had the 5 best ones, and his 6 were somehow inferior – they were smaller, I think. But then I looked back to my side of the tree, on my left, and there was a tiny branch of the tree with tiny pink flower buds on it, and I grabbed that entire branch. I somehow knew there were 8 flower buds on this twig I picked up, 8 tiny buds.

The person, that man, whoever he was – he had returned to the left side of the tree and noticed I had gotten that twig. He looked at what I held and asked me how many I had. And I looked at everything I was holding, and I was thinking about how I knew I had grabbed 5 from the first branch and he had grabbed the other 6…and the 8 on my new branch, but I didn’t think about adding. I wasn’t thinking. I had so many, how many? How many?

I didn’t suppose it mattered how many, and I didn’t answer him. I was thinking at that time that he was an alien and these flower buds were alien too. But I wondered why he wanted them. I asked him why and he didn’t say anything. And I asked him, are they food? He said no.

He said no, but he started walking to the left, and I backed up, because he was coming toward me. He said something about what they were really for, but he didn’t answer my question, and what he said made no sense. But I knew from what he said that the flower buds were a sort of drug, like LSD…

He understood that I understood that, and he smiled. I hadn’t said anything.

By then I had backed around the tree and he was in front of me and the tree was to my right. He was at the edge of the yard. It was my backyard now, sort of. Like it was ten years ago, and there was tall grass at the edge of the yard. He was over there, and he beckoned me closer. I didn’t think and I went to him. I really wasn’t thinking, like I was in a trance, and my mind had stopped functioning only so much to let me see, and feel.

I was suddenly right over there. He was beside me, on my left, and he showed me this flower growing in the tall grass. I looked at it. It had rainbow petals, a petal for every color, and it was sort of cup-shaped…I just looked at it, and it seemed like it captured the light somehow, and turned it into a rainbow halo...

Then I was winded, on the ground, on my back. I felt something shudder in me, like insanity, unconsciousness, taking over me…and I knew because there had been time between then and when I saw that flower...time when he had drugged me, hadn’t he?

He was standing over me with a sort of smile on his face, but I can’t describe it. I was feeling like he knew everything and he knew what was going to happen to me, and my entire being was somehow in his hands, and I was in trouble, because now I wouldn’t be able to control my actions. He had given me some drug from that flower, made me eat something, made me pass out or fall over, and now I was going to go into a trip. I was going into a trip I didn’t ask for and he was right there, right there and what was going to happen to me and there were my parents standing there too on the left and I thought, REALITY! REALITY! And I wanted to scream and I said, no, no, no, no, NO! But it was too late somehow and I was going, I was leaving the world---

This all transpired in seconds and my mind was racing. I couldn’t move this whole time – my arms were pinned to my sides and I couldn’t get up and I couldn’t control my limbs. I was going into a drug induced trance, and I knew it, and he knew it too, and he smiled. (Last I remember thinking, I bet he stole all my flower buds I had collected...)

And then it was black.

It was gone.

...
I was expecting to go into that trip, and I almost felt like I would, like there was a shaking, vibrating sort of sensation in my mind...but I didn’t.

I was almost awake. I sort of knew that, but my eyes were closed and the world wasn’t really there yet. And I still couldn’t move. I couldn’t move! Why can’t I move! MOVE!!!!
I couldn’t move for a few seconds until I did, and that was awakening. I laid there and felt the sensation of being able to move my arms, my fingers, my legs…

I opened my eyes and it was dark, but not pitch black, dark like early morning in that bluish way. And I was thinking about all this, because it was right there in my mind like it had really happened. It wasn’t fading like a dream does. It didn’t fade at all. I kept thinking about it.
I just kept thinking about the whole thing, playing it through in my head, thinking.
Why didn’t that girl even acknowledge that I was there? Did I even really speak to her, or had I been talking in my head? But I must have been speaking, because I thought I was. But could she hear me? Or was it like she couldn’t see me at all? Was she in a different world, a different time?

Why were there ropes blocking the path? Was it really an obstacle course? It doesn’t really seem like one. Was she using it like one? Or was I? Or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Why would the path be closed by ropes, and why twice? Was the clearing with the trees dangerous? Didn’t seem like it then, but the girl acted like it wasn’t there, like it didn’t matter. If it was all an obstacle course, why did she walk back or wait for someone that wasn’t there? I remember thinking that, wondering why she stopped and waited, when I was there.
And then the rope on the tree, what was that? Was it some sort of trigger? Do you pull it and strange flower buds start appearing out of nowhere? Or did it trigger him to come? Maybe it meant nothing at all.

I hadn’t even known those were flower buds on those branches until I thought about it later. That was it. They looked just like really gigantic flower buds. Was it like the lotus flower? Never heard of hallucinogenic flowers...

But he wanted to know how many. Why’s that?

I had 5 and he had 6...so there were 11 together. Why 11? 11 must be a special number for me…
And then I got 8, so it was like...wait... I had 13!!!

Thirteen. That’s significant!! Was it just my luck? Was I unlucky and that put his satanic six at an advantage?

Now it’s like a numerology war. I got 5, then 8, then 13…
5, 8, 13...

That’s...a sequence. That’s part of the Fibonacci sequence.
(0), 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13…

Whoa….

(That sort of blew my mind at the time)

So what was the 1, 1, 2, 3?

The fact is, it could be many things. That’s what I was trying to figure out.

The 1, 1 could be me and that girl. Since we were entirely separate, rather than together, it makes sense to call us 1, 1…

There were 2 ropes in the path. The one on the tree made three.

Or…

It could mean people. So 1,1 (then 2 running down the same path) for me and the girl, the man made 3…

Or 1 staircase, 1 path, 2 ropes…

Me, and the one tree makes 2, the guy appearing makes 3…

But any way, there are still lots of ones, twos, and triads throughout.

And if we assume the numbering went in chronological order by event, then the branches
themselves and the flower that put me in a trance don’t matter numerically.

Either way – NOT coincidence. That’s the scary part.

The other scary part is that the "drugs" WOKE ME UP.

I was in a trance already...and the drugs woke me up, literally. My brain started working again.
So the question is, was that good or bad? Or was the alien man good or bad? Was this his intention? Was it wisdom? Did he mean for me to wake up, or did he have something else in mind? I think he meant it. But is waking up a good thing? Or was it part of a REALLY evil plan?

What’s reality?

That’s the strangest thing. If he had malicious intent, it was like bringing me back into a hell – on earth. If he had good intent, it was like reawakening my mind and senses.

I wonder because we were sort of like enemies in the dream, but not quite, in a way. That makes it confusing. It was like he REALLY wanted those flower buds and was mad that I had stolen them and wanted to punish me. Or was it?

There’s so much in this. It’s like no other dream I have ever had. Perfect clarity. And the numbers...the numbers...

The drugged feeling, that was strange and really creepy. I really felt threatened and I felt like my body was being controlled.

I can’t explain it. Guess I'm crazy.

10 Comments
  • Mood: Astonished

remember?

Sat Sep 5, 2009, 9:57 AM
Once, a long time ago, there was something called freedom.

5 Comments
  • Mood: Isolated
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